Well....HI. I am terrible at updating this, I KNOW. I've never been good at being able to sum things up quickly, or "writing for an audience" so to say.
Anyway...its now almost August, which means I've been here for almost four months. I still have moments where I can't quite believe I'm here. It is a HUGE thing for me to be here...I've dreamt of this since I was a child...and here I am. Life here is beautiful, intense, and difficult. Life here is in your face, every aspect of it. I don't believe that the amount of time I'm here will matter too much--I'm not sure if anyone could ever know and understand every aspect of this place, and that is just one of the many beauties it holds. The more I think I understand, something else just comes around and makes me realize I know nothing.
I've been all over the place (physically...I suppose you could say mentally too) for the past two months. I am no longer with the family I originally was with. I've spent time in Jakmel, a beautiful city on the beach filled with art, music, and beautiful things (often referred to as Haiti's cultural capital). After that I spent a couple weeks with an absolutely wonderful family up in the mountains of the Jakmel area. Now I'm waiting to move in with my new family which will still be in the same general area as the first family, but a different community all together. These past few months have not been easy, but it is all slowly starting to work out.
I avoid updating this because it is so, so very difficult. No one can truly understand unless they are here with me, and, well...no one is. I would love nothing more than for you all to be able to see, feel, taste, hear, and smell all that I see, feel, taste, hear, and smell every day, but thats not the way things work. Some day I will figure out the purpose of this all, and how I can successfully share this experience with the world, because one thing I know is that it needs to be shared...I just don't know how yet.
I know with all of my heart, soul, and mind that this is where I'm supposed to be. I don't know yet what I'm supposed to be doing, but I don't think I need to know yet. It's almost painful for me at times to think about my life back in the states, and all that I have left there. I know it, and you will all still be there, but it really does feel heavy when I think about it all. How can I have SO many people back in the states that I love with every ounce of my being, but KNOW that its not where I'm supposed to be right now, and for quite some time? If only I could figure out how to be two places at once...Despite all of the difficulties here, I don't think I've ever felt happier, or more CONTENT.
I apologize that this update doesn't include some funny story, or something about the "desperation" of the country. The truth is, I'm not sure what to say in here, or how to do it. I'm trying to be as real as possible, and thats about all I can do. Read it if you like, or don't...I'll never know.
I think of you all every day and carry you all with me each day, and everywhere I go.
